Tuesdays at 1 PM CT
The call in number for this meeting is 605-313-5302, code 819585#.
Click here for international access info.
You may also join with the FreeConferenceCall.com app using the meeting ID violenceanonymous or click/tap here to join on the web.
1. Introduction
(When chairing, using your phone’s mute button may work more smoothly than pressing *6.)
“Good day, my name is _____ and I will be your moderator today. This
meeting is for persons who have been victims, perpetrators and/or rescuers in the cycle of violence.”
2. Serenity prayer
“God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
“You may mute and un-mute your phone by pressing *6. If you are not sharing, please make sure that your phone is muted.”
3. Read the Preamble for Violence Anonymous
4. A word to newcomers:
“Welcome. Violence Anonymous is a confidential fellowship, allowing us to speak without fear of anyone judging or commenting on what we have to say. The things you hear are spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Anyone with a desire to stop participating in drama and violence is welcome in Violence Anonymous. If you are serious about arresting your violent behavior, VA can help. Whether you identify yourself as a victim, rescuer or persecutor, recovering from an addiction to violence is a serious challenge. The solution is here if you work for it. We suggest that you attend at least 6 meetings before deciding if Violence Anonymous is for you, and we urge you to place principles before personalities. By attending meetings and working the 12 Steps of VA, we have found a solution that breaks the cycle of violence, and leads to safety, security and meaningful connections in our lives. We are learning to arrest our addiction to violent behavior, one day at a time.”
5. Read how it works
6. Member Introduction
“At this time we introduce ourselves by first name only. This is not to embarrass you, but to get to know you.”
7. Read:
Processing Triggers – A trigger is our internal reaction to a person, place, thing, situation or thought. Triggers can range from mild to severe. Some triggers are positive, and some are negative. When we are negatively triggered we are casting ourselves as victims. This puts us on the drama triangle, making it difficult to think, speak or act without causing harm. In recovery we recognize each trigger as a warning that we are at risk of behaving violently. We heed this warning, halt, and process the trigger before moving on. Processing a trigger is investigating the trauma that lies beneath the trigger and neutralizing our reaction to it. Our experience shows that processing triggers with support is essential. We don’t have to do it alone. Neutralizing traumas with the guidance of a trusted therapist, peer, or sponsor helps us become adept at processing triggers ourselves. By processing triggers as they come up, we gradually clear our inner landscape of the traumas that set off our violent behavior.
8. Sharing
“Would someone be willing to be timekeeper?” (Note: Using your phone’s mute button may work more smoothly than pressing *6.)
- Weeks 1 and 2 – “Now is the time for a member qualification up to 10 minutes long about processing triggers.”
- Week 3 – “We will go straight into individual shares and close the meeting 10 minutes early for the business meeting.”
- Week 4 – “We will read for up to 10 minutes from the VA Processing Triggers Pamphlet, to inspire our shares.”
- Week 5 – “We will go straight into individual shares.”
“Now is the time for individual sharing. We ask that there be no cross talk – which means that we keep the focus on ourselves, address our remarks to the group and not to any individual other than the speaker, when we have a lead share. Please refrain from making remarks during another person’s share, and save questions and comments for after the meeting. At this meeting, we don’t mention people by name during our shares. Please address any concerns you have during the meeting directly to the moderator. Explicit descriptions of violence and/or violent fantasies can be triggering to other members of the meeting. When sharing about violent fantasies, we put our focus on our powerlessness over the fantasy and the feelings that trigger the belief of victimhood. Shares are 4 minutes long. Please acknowledge that you have heard the time keeper give the one minute warning and the word “time” at the end of your share. You may mute and un-mute your phone by pressing *6. If you are not sharing, please make sure that your phone is muted. We are now open for discussion.”
9. 7th Tradition (10 minutes before the top of the hour except in Week 3, when shares end 20 minutes before the top of the hour)
“Our 7th Tradition states that every VA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. We pass a virtual basket and ask that you give what you can. The funds are used to pay the expenses of the fellowship.”
“Contributions may be made on the 7th Tradition page on the VA website.”
10. Tools
Read the Tools of Violence Anonymous.
“We take the next few minutes of the meeting for each person to share the tools they will use in the upcoming week to avoid playing the victim, rescuer and/or perpetrator.”
11. Contact Requests
“Now is the time for contact (phone #, email, Skype) requests. Please state whose contact info you would like and we will exchange info after the closing of the meeting.”
12. Announcements
“Now is the time for both VA and non-VA announcements.
First are there any VA announcements that affect this meeting or VA as a whole? Are there any non-VA announcements about tools or outside resources that pertain to VA recovery?”
13. Closing
“The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you like and leave the rest. The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this virtual room. Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time. The line will remain open after the meeting for fellowship. Will all who care to join me in the serenity prayer?”
“God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
14. Contact exchange and fellowship
Those persons whose contact info was requested can be shared now followed by fellowship.