Drama Triangle Roles
Victim
Victims temporarily believe they cannot take care of themselves. “I’ll never do it on my own,” they believe. Once we think like a victim, we unconsciously seek a “rescuer” to solve our problem for us.
Victims use guilt and shame to manipulate others into rescuing them. This use of guilt and shame is toxic. Toxic guilt and shame are built into our victim consciousness. The victim carries so much toxic guilt and shame that their primary strategy is to dump it onto others. They are ignorant of healthy ways to heal wounds. Victims spend their lives on the look-out for someone to “save” them. Ironically they resent their rescuers since no one on the Drama Triangle can authentically connect or get their needs met. (Other names for Victim: the “poor me”, the complainer, the Debbie downer, puddle of fear)
Rescuer
When we rescue we seek the approval of others over meeting our own needs. We delude ourselves into believing we are “helpers”, “caretakers” and “heroes”. Rescuers need a victim to help them feel significant. They seduce others into believing that they are “helping” when they really have an ulterior motive to seem important. Giving unsolicited advice is rescuing behavior. Rescuers believe “If I serve others just right, then I’ll be ok. It’s the only way to get love.” Sadly rescuing does not result in the other person being helped in a sustainable way. On the contrary rescuing hurts the victim as much as it does the rescuer, since neither of them is authentically meeting their own needs. (Other names for rescuer: people pleaser, enabler, doormat, the unsolicited advice giver, the hero)
Persecutor
When we play this role we see ourselves primarily as victims. Persecutors use fear and intimidation to create what they think is safety. Sadly the “safety” they create breeds codependent behavior like rescuing, resentment and retaliation. Often persecutors are in complete denial about their bullying tactics. They believe life is dangerous and in order to create safety they must strike first. This is how persecutors justify hurting others. They are wounded and have no understanding of how to heal, so they fabricate a story that keeps them in victim consciousness. The Persecutor story allows them to deny their fear of being wounded again and act that fear out with aggression. (Other names for Persecutor: villain, aggressor, bully, dictator, abuser)
Regardless of where we start out on the Drama Triangle, all roles begin and end with victim consciousness. We think we are a victim so we act like a victim. We think we are a victim so we act like a persecutor. We think we are a victim so we act like a rescuer. Anyone on the Drama Triangle may find it hard to admit that victim consciousness drives their behavior, but it is true.
This information also appears in Safe In Your Own Skin by James M.